Possible Could Have Been Past
by Queen of the Ramen
Summary: Rimmer/Lister - Explicit - Based on the Spring Kink prompt "Sexual frustration - I've been alone for 3 million years, pre-hard hologram." Dirty talk.


_Beta'd by LadySirius32158_

It was hard being in a sexless relationship, especially when the lack of sex was definitely not by choice. But there was no way for a living human and the hologram of a dead man to touch, let alone have sex. It was driving Rimmer and Lister crazy.

"I'm so fucking horny!" Lister moaned, grabbing the front of his trousers. "And I'm tired of jerkin' off." He shifted around uncomfortably in his bunk, and tried not to focus on Rimmer doing his morning excercises, his ass looking particularly attractive in the hologramatic spandex that encased it.

"You think you're the only one?" Rimmer snorted, bending over for an (attempted) toe touch, and he could hear Lister moan in his bunk. "I didn't even know holograms could get hairy palms."

"I should have fucked you when you were still alive," Lister said. "Then at least I'd have the memory to get off to." He was even more uncomfortable now, his pants becoming uncomfortably tight at the images he had conjured.

"We hated each other when I was alive," Rimmer said, stretching his holographic hamstrings.

"Angry sex, that's the best kind," Lister said. He unbuttoned the fly on his trousers and started unzipping them. "You'd have been an arsehole and I'd have walked right up to you, grabbed you by the hair. You'd have tried to get loose and started yelling at me and then I'd stick my tongue down your throat." He eased a hand down the front of his boxers.

"And why would you do that?" Rimmer asked, amused. "And why do you think I'd let you?"

"Because I'd want to see what you'd do." Lister said. "And because you were and still are a horny little git." He grinned when Rimmer started sputtering. "But you'd try to slap me, of course. But I'd only kiss you harder and you'd love it, wouldn't you?"

"I guess we'll never know," Rimmer grumbled, still stretching. He glanced over at his shipmate and paused mid-deep knee bend when he saw Lister with his hand down his trousers, slowly moving up and down. Lister grinned even wider when he saw that Rimmer had caught him, and started moving his hand faster. Rimmer gulped and felt himself start to get hard. "But as long as we're imagining... then what would you do?"

Lister licked his lips and closed his eyes, so he could better fantasize. "You'd love it so much that you'd start kissing me back and making these little moaning noises and I'd get so turned on that I'd grab your arse."

"And then what?" Rimmer asked, as his hand slowly slid down the front of his spandex shorts.

"I'd rip your belt off and tie you right to the bunk," Lister said, sliding his pants off so he could more easily access his throbbing cock. He could hear a hitch in Rimmer's breathing and glanced over at the other man, who was busy at work himself, his tongue peeking out from the corner of his mouth. He watched for a second before closing his eyes again, continuing his story of their possible could have been past. "And you'd struggle a bit, but I'd soon have your trousers off, and those starched and ironed undershorts you always wear. And you'd be so hard, you'd be begging me to touch you." He stopped the story there and the silence hung heavy in the air.

"And would you?" Lister could hear the frustration in Rimmer's voice.

"I'd kneel right down on my knees and I'd take you in my mouth and you'd be so surprised you'd jerk your hips forward and nearly choke me but pretty soon we'd have the hang of it and you'd be moaning so loud." Lister smeared the pre-cum that was leaking from the tip of his cock down his shaft and groaned, enjoying the feel of it. He could hear Rimmer's heavy breathing and imagined how he must look, jerking his own cock. "I'd tease your cock head with my tongue before moving my mouth up and down the whole length of you, taking in the whole thing. And you'd be so close to coming, but I wouldn't let you."

"Why not?" Rimmer was indignant, but not indignant enough to stop masturbating.

"Because I'd twist you around and the belt would tangle around your wrists and I'd turn your arse towards me and you'd start to get nervous, but before you could tell me to stop I'd have lubed up a finger and had it inside you and you'd be loving it. You'd be absolutely loving it." Lister moved his hand even faster. "And then I'd have two inside you, stroking you and before you'd know what was happening I'd be fucking you." Lister could feel his balls starting to tighten and he knew he was close, so close, but he didn't want to finish before Rimmer did so he opened his eyes to watch him and match his pace. Rimmer was on the floor with his spandex shorts lying next to him, one hand on his cock and the other with two fingers inside himself, his eyes closed. Lister watched him as he stroked himself.

"I'd be slow at first but then I'd be fucking your arse so hard with one hand grabbing onto your hip and the other wrapped around your cock, pumping you, and you'd be calling out my name and I'd be calling out your name and then we'd both come!" And with this they both shot their loads, sticky and copious, all over their own stomachs and chests. Lister lay limp on his bunk while Rimmer was flat on his back on the floor, both men exhausted and panting from both their imagined lovemaking and their real life goings on.

"So, how was I?" Lister asked.

"You were," Rimmer croaked out, "fantastic."


End file.
